My Life is Like the Morning Fog
First of all, thank you to those of you who have been faithful in following through with the donations you have pledged or given. I hope you know how much I appreciate it. You have helped me get closer to my goal! I also want to honor all the kind words, encouragement, and prayer support as well, which are invaluable.
I thought I would update those of you who are interested to hear where I’m at, both support-wise and personally.
Where I’m at With the “Plans”
I am currently at 65% of my monthly goal and 100% of my relocation expense. So it is coming along! And that is very exciting. I had wanted to be further along in order to purchase a plane ticket in accordance with “plan A” (see post below). Thus, I have a revised plan. Let’s call it: “plan A, part 2″ (this is so dorky, excuse the dorkiness). The revised plan is to head straight to Rwanda from here, leaving around May 15th. After the Amahoro Conference, I will return to South Africa and commence being NieuCommunities staff! I still have to work out the details of luggage, and getting a cheap ticket (thankfully, I have found some good possibilities online). However, I really wouldn’t feel comfortable buying the ticket until I’m at more like at least 80% (ideally, 90%) of my monthly goal. So my newest deadline for reaching that amount is this Thursday, May 1st.
I want to be sure to communicate that I want this in no way to pressure anyone into either a.) feeling that they have to give or b.) feeling that they have to decide immediately on a commitment. The process is the same. I would still love to meet with any of you who are interested in hearing more about it all in person. For those of you who may be considering giving and who do pray, I encourage you to ask God how God would specifically have you partner with me in this. I will be checking back in with those of you who have expressed an interest. Although my greatest need at this point is for monthly or annual donors, I would just ask you to “sit” with God about it, whether for a few moments or a few days. I greatly appreciate donations of any kind, and no amount is ever too small. For those of you who already have an amount or commitment on your heart, if you have a chance to make the actual donation before May 1st I would greatly appreciate it. Just click in the sidebar on “Donate to Sarah” and choose from a couple of options. Please ask me if you have any questions too.
You can contact me at: (503) 789-8971 or skwoolley.girl@gmail.com
Where I’m at Personally/Spiritually
Now, after telling you about my plans. . . To put it bluntly, I am learning that God’s plans look relatively nothing like my own. Granted, while I feel that God is with me in my revised plan (or at least tolerating it), I also am constantly reminded lately that God’s ways are above my ways. Thinking about this earlier today, a certain verse came to me and I looked it up. It is in the book of James, chap. 4, vs. 14-15: “How do you know what will happen tomorrow? For your life is like the morning fog- it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. What you ought to say is, ‘If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.’” I felt God nudging me toward more of this way of thinking and away from my goal-oriented, plan-driven one. This is more of the attitude that I want to embody.
The past couple of days, God and I have been coming to a head with this issue, as I’ve felt like I’ve been struggling, striving so hard to make things “happen.” When I got home today from meeting with a really good friend who’s in transition herself and with whom I share particular mental health issues, I felt led to open my “little black book.” It’s actually this tiny little book I’ve been writing things in the past four years- and it’s not even halfway full! But I write down quotes I come across, notes to myself, scripture, etc. I’d like to share with you some of what I found that stuck out to me:
Note to self, 18th of June (some year): “I forgot that- that things work when you stop trying to make them work.”
Also: Ecclesiastes 7:13 “Notice the way God does things; then fall into line. Don’t fight the ways of God, for who can straighten out what he has made crooked?”
This last one is for all of us and is the reason why I dug out the book (cute little leather-bound one I bought in Seattle with my dad, BTW). It is also the very first thing written in it. I encourage you to read it slowly, note your reaction to it, and let whatever truth you find in it sink in: “At the last Judgement Christ will say to us, ‘Come, children of shame!’ And he will say to us: ‘Vile beings, you who are in the image of the beast and bear his mark, but come all the same, you as well.’ And the wise and prudent will say, ‘Lord, why do you welcome them?’ And he will say: If I welcome them, you wise men, if I welcome them, you prudent men, it is because not one of them has ever been judged worthy.’ And he will stretch out his arms, and we will fall at his feet, and we will cry out sobbing, and then we will understand all, we will understand the Gospel of grace! Lord, your Kingdom come!” -Fyodor Dostoevsky’s “Crime and Punishment,” reference from Brennan Manning’s “Ragamuffin Gospel”
P.S. My greatest prayer requests at this time include being God-focused, healthy, receptive to wisdom and discernment, protection, peace of mind, hope, faith, love, and the last but most important one at this time is grace. I recently forgot that I needed it. It happens. Thank you and God bless.
Plans A & B and a New Box
Hello, friends. And sorry for the delay. . .
What is going on with the Woolley-Monster? (As my Afrikaaner friend Elizabeth calls me). Well! As it stands now, I have one week until my support goal date of April 26th. Less than one week. Hee hee. By that date, I would like to be at a certain percentage level of support in order to buy two plane tickets- one to South Africa, and one to Rwanda. I am trying to attend a week-long conference in Rwanda called “Amahoro” (see “Amahoro Africa” in sidebar) that starts May 19th. In order to make it to South Africa in time to recover from jet-lag, drop off my bags, say hello to the community of NCSA 2008, and get on a plane to Kigali, I would like to leave the U.S. no later than May 14th, preferably before that. This is my first choice and what I’m trying for, but if it doesn’t work out. . . I’ve grieved over worse things before. I’m flexible and ultimately want to be obedient to God’s timing, so we’ll see how it goes.
Why Amahoro? There are a few reasons why I’d like to attend this conference called Amahoro- a general African term for “peace.” Firstly, it fits very well with my personal vision statement (click in sidebar to read more) of helping to tell the stories of the disadvantaged, the broken, the disheartened. I attended a week-long trip to Kigali last November- at the very end of our NCSA year- and it was quite transformational. For those of you who don’t know, Rwanda underwent a horrific genocide in 1994. Within the span of 100 days, as many as one million people were slaughtered. I have had a heart for Rwanda and her people for a few years now, and getting to visit it last year was a dream fulfilled by God. We visited churches doing amazing healing and spiritual transformation work, as well as some projects (see www.reach-rwanda.org) doing some serious reconciliation work. We also visited genocide memorials and got to hear many testimonies of former victims and perpetrators alike. “Amahoro” will also be addressing issues such as reconciliation and peace throughout all of Africa, as well as uniting leaders in the church as they seek what it means to be the church in a post-colonial Africa. I hope that one day I might be able to help tell some of the stories of Rwandans, and know I will get to reconnect with many whom I met the last time I was there, so that is promising. Two apprentices from NieuCommunities South Africa will also be going, and I hope to bond with them through the experience too before we head back to Pretoria to continue the apprenticeship.
Like I said, that is Plan A, and if it doesn’t happen, there are always other opportunities! I am extremely excited to be returning to South Africa regardless. Plan B would be to finish raising my support and return to South Africa by the end of May. As most of you know, I am joining the staff of NieuCommunities in Pretoria for at least the next two years, and am busy raising support for my time there. I will be helping to apprentice the new people coming through the apprenticeship as well as continuing my own ministry (with co-staff Barbara) of telling the stories of South African women. God has called me into this position and I don’t know exactly where it is leading me but I know it’s very very Good. I heard God say to me at the end of my apprenticeship year, “Sarah, I want to give you a new box.” And while I don’t know what’s in the box exactly yet, there is no doubt to me that it’s some exciting and awesome stuff.
So please stay tuned and I hope to update this at least one more time before I head back to South Africa- at least to let you know about whether I’m going to Rwanda or not! Please pray for courage, health, wisdom, stamina, and faith as I trust in God’s provision these next few weeks, share about my ministry vision, say goodbyes, attempt closure around some things, and prepare to travel- well, to move my life to Africa. Call me (503) 789-8971 if you want to chat, hear more, or get together. You could email me too: skwoolley.girl@gmail.com. Please look at the new things I’ve updated in my sidebar. “Keep well” as we say in South Africa, and I’ll be in touch. . .
The Writing Shall Come
Okay, okay, I know I haven’t written in here in literally months (Let’s see. . . maybe ten or eleven?). As my friend Michael says, “You know, the point of a blog, Sarah, is to have more than one entry.” Point taken. So here is my attempt at making a start. I have many things to write about, and so much to say and tell! I think that’s why I haven’t- it’s just too overwhelming. I’m not as tech-savvy as some of my friends, so some of that stuff for me goes by the wayside. Well, this is sad (and I feel silly saying this) but I can’t, at this moment, say much. I will just say that there will be upcoming information on who I am, what my interest is in South Africa, what my new role will be as staff of NieuCommunities, what my journey has been up to this point, and generally, why I’m doing what I plan on doing for at least the next two years (probably more). So please- stay tuned. And I do plan to write more. God bless and talk to you later- sorry, I guess I mean sooner. In the meantime, please, browse my links and check out my support letter for a tad more information. To give you some background, Barbara is my ministry partner who is coming back as well as I to join NieuCommunities staff. Her blog is up-to-date and awesome. The Wards and the Stewarts are two families whose parents are all currently NieuCommunities staff. And- well, you can see the rest for yourself.
A Day in the Life of a Girl at Pangani
I am a girl who lives at Pangani. It is a place that means “we gather together,” and in it I am part of a daily community. It is called NieuCommunities but the “nieu” doesn’t really mean anything, it was discovered by the founder while he was at a cafe drinking coffee, I am told.
Each day here I seek out a new way of life, different from my past, as I live away from my original home in America. During at least part of the day we do things with one another and the rest of the day we choose our own things to do. Today I did many things with others but some by myself too and in both of them I seemed to learn that you make progress not by going out on your own but by leaning on others.
I started out the morning by waking up just in time to pull on my clothes and head to breakfast. I made sure to wear a sweater because the temperature changed to winter two days ago. For breakfast we ate pancakes, sausage and bacon, fruit salad, and orange juice. Once a week we get to eat a special breakfast like this, not every day.
After breakfast we had a prayer time. This time my roommate Katie told us to go and pray for all the rooms and places at Pangani and to pray over what she called “inanimate objects.” Me and two friends went together. They had never done that but I had, so I started and we prayed that God would keep us safe and that we would grow to be strong friends.
After that, we made a fire in the room called the “lounge” and the site director Arthur talked to us about sin and asked us how can we be sinful yet bear the image of God? We gave him many answers and yet by the end were still full of many questions. He told us to make a “word-picture” of what this meant to us and I imagined myself as a robot with a “real” heart. Whenever I use the real heart, I become less of a robot and more like a “real” girl. I decided it was too easy to move like a robot and I wanted more to be real. Which reminds me, later as I was driving in the car I asked God “How do I live in this world when it is not a game but real with death and killing?” It is only something I wondered, as I wonder many things throughout the day. But that came later, and I mustn’t get ahead of myself.
After our conversation, for that is what we call them, Katie and Barbara and I stayed in the lounge and talked for a long time about relationships with men, or maybe I should say, boys who are almost men. Katie kept talking and as she talked she put more wood on the fire, as it was a very cold day.
By the time we were finished talking it was time to eat and I made myself lunch even though my stomach has been bothering me and I haven’t been very hungry. But when I ate it was good. I ate chicken from the braai on Sunday, red peppers, tomatoes, and pineapple yogurt. Oh, and some guava juice that I decided tasted like Kool-aid. I ate with Katie and Barbara and as we ate we laughed, mostly about funny body noises. And then we laughed some more because we were in the room with Arthur, who had big earphones on and was trying to work.
Pretty soon Katie said we had to go because she was going to the store to pick up cake mix to make a cake for a woman who didn’t know how to make one but wanted to give one to her son anyway for his birthday. This was one of the times I did something on my own, because I had to go across the street from the grocery store to the art store where I bought art supplies because I am going to teach an art class. Luckily I found what I needed in time so that Barbara and Katie had only waited one minute for me in the van.
When we got home I was very excited about my art supplies and even when I went on the internet to check on my messages people had sent me I could not stop thinking about them. So I went to my room and sat on my bed and turned on a CD that Jack Johnson made about Curious George. Then I laid everything I bought out on my bed and even counted out what I had brought with me from America. I tried to think of what I needed next and wrote a special list for that. I was a little sad because I could not buy everything I wanted. That list was too long.
But I put everything in piles and organized it so that I could understand. Then I tried a new stenciling package that came with paintbrushes, stencils, and big crayons that are actually oily paints. I bought only red, yellow, and blue, since I know that those colors can make other colors, but you have to mix them. I stenciled a flame of fire, and when I looked up, it was four o’clock, and I knew that it was time for a run. So I put everything back, but in a new order, and pulled on a bunch of running clothes, but for when it’s cold outside.
When I ran down the block I saw Doug and Mosky walking Jessie and Chippy who also live at Pangani and they laughed because the dogs wanted to run after me. My muscles ached so bad and I didn’t know if it was because I went ice-skating yesterday or because it was so cold. But I was glad to get back to my room and climb into a hot shower.
While I took the shower I thought about what I had to do next which was to go to the Potter’s House and eat dinner and try to make friends with the women there so I can help them tell their stories. These women come from all kinds of places and many of them are hard places. But I was still excited about my art supplies and from running and I felt like I could do anything.
Then I remembered I had to take Barbara to baby-sit at Arthur’s house so I knew I had to hurry but just a little. By the time I had combed my wet hair Barbara knocked on the door and I opened it right away because I knew it was her. I took her there and then on the car ride to Potter’s House I had that thought that I told you about earlier, about the real world and how did God expect me to live in such a world with killing and death? But as I drove downtown, which takes about twenty-five minutes, I still felt very excited. I didn’t even feel like praying, I just felt like driving there and doing what I was supposed to do. But I did say a little prayer that God would give me someone to talk to, someone to talk to that would make a difference. I knew I wanted to make a difference. That’s really all I want to do.
When I got to Potter’s House they let me in and I had to wait while they told the house mother who I was. They always do that even though they know me. But I was too excited to wait and I had seen Lerato anyway, who had asked me to make prints of some photos of her that I took, and I wanted to give them to her. So I came to her and she hugged me and told me that it was very cold. I agreed and took out the photos. Lerato got very excited and she hugged me again, but this time harder and longer. She gave me a big smile, and she has a gap in between her two front teeth.
Lerato sat me down first at the tables, before anyone else, and she brought two plates of food for the two of us. I was even happy that she brought a spoon, because secretly I didn’t want to eat with my hands the way some do here. She introduced me to her friend, who wanted to know all about what I was doing there. I told her about wanting to help tell women’s stories but then the ladies started throwing oranges, even the house mother, so that one by one the women caught them for dessert.
Soon Vanessa came over and I was so excited to see her as I hadn’t seen her in two months. She is very beautiful and dark and sophisticated but she is only in the seventh grade, and she taught me many things this night, but I will get to that later. First, while we were eating, a white woman came over to me who I had never seen before. I was surprised. There are only three white women there out of many many black women, I don’t know exactly how many. She was nervous but very polite and she asked me if when I was done if I could come to her room because she had a question for me. I said sure and as I ate the orange I went to her room.
The women was an Afrikaaner and named Elizabeth. She told me she needed fifteen rand for some reason I didn’t understand but it had to do with transportation and that she would pay me back next week. I gave her twenty because I didn’t have change and then she told me all about herself and said it was her first night there. Then she asked me about myself and when I told her about NieuCommunities and what I was doing she got very excited and said “we are going to be very good friends.” She went to her bunk and got a notebook that she had written all kinds of stuff from the Bible in. She said she was taking some sort of class, and showed me each page, smiling and then not smiling. I was a little confused about the class but soon Vanessa peeked in and asked if when I was through could I come help her with her homework. I said okay and Elizabeth laughed and said “isn’t that always what happens,” and by the time I had gotten done talking with Elizabeth I believed that we were going to be very good friends.
Then I went to Vanessa, and this is when she taught me many things. She gave me her homework of spelling in Afrikaans and I laughed because I felt so hopeless. But she read each word to me and I repeated them and found that I could learn some if I tried. And then I made sure she spelled them right. We talked a lot about languages, since there are eleven official ones, and I told her how back in America, some people speak differently in each state. She wanted to know which ones, so I tried my best to sound Southern, and then New Yorkish, and even tried Minnesota. I told her about my art class and she told me to do it on Mondays at three thirty. I knew that was the best time since she could come then too.
Vanessa taught me how to say “I don’t speak [the language]” in Tshwana, Sotho, Xhosa, Zulu, and Afrikaans. She told me that when people asked her what she was she said Zulu even though she was from Burundi, or they would call her bad names. I told her I would teach her Spanish.
After that I sat with Lerato for five minutes and we talked even though she doesn’t understand most of what I ask her. Still, she told me that she was a Zulu and even though her parents are dead her sister comes to visit her sometimes. Then she smiled at me again with that big gap in between her teeth. She makes me want to have a gap in between my teeth too. After that she walked me out and I went to the car but this time it was darker and I had to walk past three men who were too quiet. When I drove away I turned too many times and found I had gone the wrong way. But I used my head and tried all the streets and when I finally reached Pangani again and I was about to get out to open the gate, my friend Carissa came out to meet me in her pajamas and I didn’t even have to get out of the car.
When I had climbed into bed and blown out Katie’s candles I remembered a special smile Barbara gave me when she got out of the car at Arthur’s and told me to have a good time, and she is the one I want to tell stories with. And I thought to myself maybe God is listening, even though it’s been tough to get to know those women who come from hard places. It made me think maybe while I do what I do I don’t have to be so alone since even these women want to be friends with me and here at Pangani I have friends who might help me be real in this world even when it is too real for me.
